Splitting is a psychological defence mechanism commonly observed in individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD). However, it can also manifest in other personality disorders and even in people without diagnosable mental health conditions. This phenomenon involves viewing people, situations, or even oneself in extreme and polarized terms as good or all bad, with little or no middle ground. This black-and-white thinking can lead to unstable relationships, intense emotional reactions, and difficulty regulating emotions.
What is Splitting?
Splitting typically involves a pattern of oscillating between idealization and devaluation. In relationships, someone splitting might idolize a person one moment, viewing them as perfect and infallible. While suddenly shifting to devaluing them, seeing them as entirely negative and unworthy of trust or affection. This process can be triggered by seemingly minor events or perceived slights, leading to rapid and dramatic shifts in perception.
Causes and Triggers
The origins of splitting are complex and often rooted in early childhood experiences, such as inconsistent caregiving, neglect, or trauma. These experiences may lead to difficulty forming stable and integrated views of oneself and others. Additionally, genetic and biological factors may contribute to developing this coping mechanism.
Triggers for splitting can vary widely, including interpersonal conflicts, perceived rejection, fear of abandonment, or situations that challenge one’s sense of identity or worth. Stressful life events or significant changes can also exacerbate splitting tendencies.
Effects on Relationships
The impact of splitting on relationships can be profound. Individuals who split may struggle to maintain stable and fulfilling connections with others. Their tendency to idealize and devalue can create a rollercoaster relationship dynamic. This often leads to frequent conflicts, misunderstandings, and emotional turmoil for both parties. Over time, this pattern can strain relationships and contribute to social isolation and loneliness.
Treatment Approaches
Therapy, particularly dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), is often the primary approach for addressing splitting and its associated challenges. DBT emphasizes building skills in emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and mindfulness. Through DBT, individuals learn to identify and challenge black-and-white thinking patterns, develop healthier coping strategies, and build more stable and satisfying relationships.
Other therapeutic modalities, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), schema therapy, and psychodynamic therapy, may also be beneficial in addressing splitting tendencies. These approaches aim to explore the underlying beliefs and experiences contributing to splitting, foster self-awareness and insight, and promote more adaptive ways of thinking and relating to others.
Coping Strategies
In addition to therapy, individuals struggling with splitting can benefit from practising self-care and implementing coping strategies to manage intense emotions and reduce impulsive behaviours. Techniques such as mindfulness meditation, journaling, and grounding exercises can help cultivate greater emotional awareness and resilience.
Building a strong support network of understanding friends, family members, or support groups can also provide valuable validation and encouragement during challenging times. Open communication and boundary-setting within relationships can help mitigate the impact of splitting dynamics and foster healthier interactions.
Conclusion
Splitting can significantly affect individuals’ well-being and relationships. By seeking therapy, practising coping strategies, and cultivating self-awareness, individuals can learn to challenge black-and-white thinking patterns, regulate their emotions more effectively, and build more fulfilling connections with others. With patience, dedication, and support, it is possible to overcome the challenges associated with splitting and lead a more balanced and integrated life.
